Community: but not any community.
Note: this piece was first published in May 2022, written in the particular context of that moment. The dated references have been removed. The core observation, that community matters, and that the quality of the community matters more than its size, has only become more relevant since.
The importance of community, both for personal and professional life, is something I have thought about a great deal over the years. But it crystallised into sharper focus for me at a particular point, and the clarity it produced has stayed with me.
Here is the admission that prompted the thinking: I missed seeing good people. And I say this as an introvert.
That combination; introvert, missed people, is worth considering. Because the instinct many introverts carry is that they are fundamentally different from extroverts in their need for connection. Less social. More self-contained. Better suited to working alone and recharging in solitude.
This is partly true and mostly misleading. Introverts do gain energy from solitude in ways that extroverts don’t. But that is not the same as not needing connection. It means needing connection differently: more selectively, in smaller doses, in environments that don’t overwhelm.
What the introvert needs, perhaps even more urgently than the extrovert, is the right community.
The difference between community and company #
Not all community is equal. This is the central point the original post was reaching for, and it is worth stating precisely.
Being around people is not the same as being in community. Attending a networking event is not the same as belonging to a group. Having a large contact list is not the same as having people who will notice if you go quiet.
The distinction between community and mere company is this: community is characterised by mutual care, shared purpose, and genuine belonging. It is not transactional. It is not performative. It does not leave you feeling more depleted after the interaction than you were before.
Research published in Psychology Today in 2024, drawing on Zachary Silverman’s work at Bowling Green State University, found that people involved in community-based organisations reported higher life satisfaction, stronger wellbeing, and a higher sense of mattering than those who were not engaged. That word: “mattering”, is the one worth holding onto. Not belonging in the passive sense of being present somewhere. Mattering in the active sense of being genuinely noticed, valued, and missed when absent. Psychology Today
That is the standard worth applying to any community we consider investing time in.
What makes a community worth belonging to #
I believe we can make it our mission to mix in circles whose members meet three specific tests.
They check in every once in a while to make sure others are okay. Not constantly, not intrusively, but with enough regularity that the signal is clear: you are not just a contact here, you are a person who is thought about. The check-in doesn’t need to be elaborate. A message, a brief call, a quick note that references something specific about your situation; these small gestures are the texture of genuine community rather than transactional connection.
They give fellow members an audience for sharing ideas, challenges, and concerns. This is the function that formal professional networks almost never serve, because the social dynamics of professional settings discourage openness. A room full of people trying to look competent is not a room where you will admit to struggling. But in a community with genuine trust, the sharing of a challenge is met not with judgement or unsolicited advice, but with genuine listening: the quality of attention that allows you to think clearly rather than perform.
They motivate everyone to do great things. Not through competitive pressure or manufactured urgency, but through the example of people doing meaningful work well. The community member who has navigated a difficult decision with integrity, who has persisted through a slow period without compromising their values, who has built something quietly and sustainably over years; these are the people whose presence in your orbit makes you want to be better at what you do.
The mattering dimension #
The Bowling Green research’s emphasis on mattering is worth returning to, because it adds something the obvious arguments for community leave out.
We talk about community in terms of what it provides: support, accountability, perspective, connection. These are real and valuable. But mattering is something different. It is the subjective experience of being significant to others. Of knowing that your presence changes something, however small, in the lives of the people around you.
This is not vanity. It is a fundamental human need. Self-determination theory, one of the most robust frameworks in psychology, identifies belongingness: the sense of being genuinely connected to and mattering to others, as one of three basic psychological needs alongside competence and autonomy. Its absence produces not just loneliness but a particular kind of purposelessness: the feeling that effort is unobserved and contribution is invisible.
The right community addresses this directly. It is one where you contribute as well as receive, where your specific knowledge and experience are genuinely useful to someone else, and where your presence, or absence, is noticed. Not by hundreds, necessarily. By a handful. But genuinely.
Choosing environments deliberately #
Feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated, or unfocused in a community environment is a signal worth taking seriously. Not every group, circle, or professional community is worth the investment of presence and attention.
If a community leaves you feeling more drained than when you arrived, something is misaligned. If the primary dynamic is evaluation rather than support, performance rather than honesty, or competition rather than collaboration, it is not the right community for you, regardless of its size or status.
The willingness to leave environments that don’t serve you, and to seek out those that do, is not antisocial behaviour. It is discernment. And it is, particularly for those of us who are naturally more selective about where we invest our social energy, one of the most important professional decisions we can make.
The right community is one where you are energised rather than depleted, valued rather than evaluated, and genuinely present rather than professionally performing.
Spending quality time in the company of people with common interests, beliefs, and purpose, in positive, energised, respectful environments; that is both a personal wellbeing investment and a professional one.
‘Respect other people’s feelings. It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.’ — Roy T. Bennett
Thank you for reading.
Author: Richard Bull-Domican, founder of New Era Financial Introductions, a B2B lead generation consultancy with over twenty years of experience. The perspectives shared here come from two decades in the field; not theory, but practice.
I create small, digestible guides on Gumroad for business owners who hate aggressive tactics and prefer relationship-led approaches. New resources are added regularly. For longer reads on lead generation and the human side of sales, follow me on Medium and join the daily conversation on LinkedIn.
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